What do Women Want?
That’s a question many men I know I ask me. I always explain that I couldn’t possibly answer that since it would violate the code. I mean, do you want me to lose my girl-card?
When they press me, I have to give an honest answer. The answer is twofold. First, they want everything. Second, they don’t actually know what they want.
First, women want everything. And this shouldn’t be surprising as this is the only possible result that could be produced from the environment most of us grew up in.
Face it, guys. You’re dating women who were reared in the “you not can have it, you should have it all” era. We were trained from an early age to strive to achieve. Oh, and be sure to nab a fabulous husband and pop out some babies while you’re at it.
Our partners not only have to be tall, dark, and handsome, but smart, funny, sensitive, kind, caring, warm, and masculine all at the same time. Oh, and he has to work a good-paying job, bring home flowers for no reason whatsoever, and do half of the housework.
I mean, that’s not too much to ask, right? Women of today were raised to believe if they married anything less than the perfect mate, they have failed.
No pressure, right? Well, it’s no picnic for us either.
Which brings us to the second of the twofold answer. Women don’t know what they really want.
I can’t tell how many women I’ve known in reasonably good relationships suddenly get a case of the gnawing discontenteds. The restlessness that sets in for a woman who was on the brink of being head over heels about a guy, but then suddenly can’t find enough flaws in him.
The poor guy in question is left trying to contort himself this way and that, attempting to regain the previous state of being between the two of them, that of her being positively smitten with him. But the more he tries to bend to her nebulous complaints, the more discontented she becomes.
One moment this guy was fabulous, amazing, and could do no wrong. In that moment, the woman in question was happy. She had found what she wanted. No, even better, she had found what she didn’t even know she wanted.
But in the next moment, all the expectations she’s supposed to meet come flooding in. Make no mistake: these are expectations no real human being could ever meet.
No relationship can truly withstand them. Now all that giddiness she was feeling has been sucked out of the room and she can’t find her way back to that happy place she was in before.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of this bizarre shift in the romantic weather, you were likely baffled at the time.
What do you do when this happens again?
Well, the answer depends upon how much you care about the woman in question. If you really think she could be the one–and you really want to alter the entire balance of the universe–you could try putting some cards on the table. I have heard of a guy who point-blank told his girlfriend, ‘Look, neither of us are getting any younger.
This is who I am, warts and all. And I know who you are, warts and all. I’m willing to accept you as you are. I think we could have something together, but you have to decide to accept me too.’ In his case, it worked.
Or you can always take the coward’s way out and send her a copy of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough anonymously. Your choice.
If you know she’s not the one, then let her walk and chalk it up to more nutty chick behavior. But at least now you know where it’s coming from.