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Embrace it. You Are a Fixer Upper.

fixer upper home

One of the big things men don’t seem to understand about women is that we pick you knowing full well what we’re going to change about you as soon as we get the opportunity.

That’s right. We see you as a fixer upper.

If you date a woman long enough, she will begin trying to make adjustments to you. It could be the way you dress. (Indeed, that is a common one.) It could be your hairstyle.

Sometimes the area of improvement is something more pervasive. Perhaps the new woman in your life is trying to nudge you toward being a bit more ambitious or advocating for yourself more.

The point is most women realize that the perfect man is not  out there. They have to create him and tailor-make him for themselves.

Some men are extremely offended by this once they realize it. They internalize that information as some sort of insult.

But truly, it is quite the opposite.

If a woman has opted to spend time with you and then invest the emotional energy necessary to begin peeling back layers and revealing the more polished man underneath, she likes you. She sees something valuable and worthy within you. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t waste her time.

Contrary to what many men believe, women do know how to date casually. They are capable of dating you as is and simply maintaining distance. Women know all about Mr. Right Now.

If she doesn’t think you’re worth it, she can certainly decide to just date you as is, knowing full well that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. All she is really doing is waiting for something better to come along.

So, above all, if you’re dating a woman who is trying to change you, know that this is one of the sincerest forms of compliments she can give you.

Lots of men resist their woman’s efforts to “fix” him. The more she tries to improve him, the more he pulls away and rebels. This typically does not go well. The woman ends up getting her feelings hurt.

The man begins to assign all sorts of dastardly motives to her. He begins to believe she simply wants to control him.

Typically, this is not the case. Generally speaking when a woman tries to change her man’s wardrobe or hair, she is responding to something she can see below the surface.

She is trying to bring out the potential she sees. She wants the world to see her man the way she does. Ditto for suggestions on spending a bit less time with the video game controller and more time in productive pursuits. In all likelihood, her aim is more about helping her man realize his destiny than it is about controlling him.

If you think you are just fine as is, then you may find it difficult to date certain types of woman. Let’s face it: if she is in your league or slightly over your head, she’s probably going to want to improve you.

If you really cannot stomach making any sort of shifts for your girl, then you may have to either resign yourself to being single or date women well below what you’re actually attracted to.

If you can wrap your mind around the idea that many women really are a bit more tuned into fashion, and the concept that someone else may well be able to see things you can’t, then you may be a good candidate for a long-term girlfriend.

A lot of men I know who finally gave into the improving discovered their women were right–as much as it pained them to admit it. People responded more positively to their new look. They got more compliments. They were taken a bit more seriously at work.

Hmmm… How about that?

Being a fixer upper isn’t all that bad after all.

Posted by on May 22 2012. Filed under LifeStyle. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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